BMW F650 Maintenance Theatre

"JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t" (jawzx2) 04/28/2014 at 13:32 • Filed to: None

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Inspired by McMike's Spring maintenance (and originally posted as responses to his service rankings), here's a little fun to remind you that although it may be absurdly reliable, exceptionally capable, relatively innexpensive and, ubiquitous there are reasons not everyone owns a 1st gen BMW F650 with that big torque-monster Rotax single... (pictures shamelessly stolen from the awesome faq.f650.com)

Part the First: Fuel System Hijinx

Fuel Filter Location: 0/10 You have to take how many body panels off? and the tank? and disconnect the fuel lines? and wait... thats just the secondary filter? where's the primary? Inside the tank of course! How do I get to it? you have to remove the petcock you silly sally, how else would you do it?

*bashes head against wall repeatedly becuase it feels better than reading the 4 (heavily illustrated!) pages in the repair manual about this procress. Takes heart in knowing that replacing the clutch on this bike takes about 45 minutes and two tools*

Also, good thing those carbs are as reliable as hell. you can't even SEE them without removing body panels.

Part the Scond: Time for an oil change!

Strange remote oil tank in the frame, plus signifficant sump volume means there are two drains. The sump drain is easy enough, the tank, not so much. Also, the system remains presurized after the engine runs, this is great for immediate engine lubrication on startup, more on that later...

Ease of plug removal: 2/10 - technically you can drain the oil without removing the lower bash plate, but if you do you'll regret it later. OK, the bash plate is held on with 4x5mm allen bolts, remove and set asside. put the bike on the center stand and turn the wheel to full lock (either side, it doesn't really mater, you're screwed either way). Open the filler/dipstick to releive system pressure in the resivior tank. be patieint, give it several minutes as it will "burp". The first thing you notice is that the drain plug for the tank is right above the (hot) exhaust. you'll need an extension on your 10mm socket to avoid burning yourself on the pipe, but not a long extension or you can't fit the wrnech in between the radiator and the bolt. There's three schools of thought on removal: 1: loosen it slowly until oil starts to dribble out and just know that you'll get it all over the pipe and possibly start a fire and have to clean up slop for a half hour. 2: take it off quick and try catch the (still pressureised? WTF?) flow with a large mouthed bottle before it gets all over your tire and wheel and misses the catch pan entirely. unless your catch pan is U shaped and can slot around the front wheel you WILL miss the pan.

3: fabricate a chute/funnel and hose collection tool that hangs off the exhaust and catches the susrprisingly spurty stream, hope the system has de-pressurized enough that it just doesn't shoot out straight all over your tire. What ever the method, you'll have to wait for the oil to drain as you'll be left holding/wiping/praying that your duct-tape funnel holds up while the tank drains. Oh, the drain hole is very small, so it takes a long time to drain, maybe 1 full minute and a half of strong flow and another 20 minutes of dribbles. No mater which you do: oil all over fingers, tools, exhaust and everything else. Have lots of paper towels or shop rags on hand. Wearing rubbler gloves isn't a bad idea either. Maybe a set of coveralls...

ok, now, onto the sump. This seems easy enough, it's right at the bottom, but it's far back on the engine and when you open it has a tendancy to spurt rearwards, the center-stand makes positioning your catch-pan tricky and you'll probably miss. also, the plug has one of those wierd "mushroom" threads that means oil will begin seeping out well before the plug is fully removed. Also, the plug's head is VERY THIN, meaning indelicate application of tourque can easily lead to a damaged head. Oh, some of them may be wired.

Hope you didn't clean up too throughly from the tank drain, because you'll get oil all over everything again here.

Total time to drain oil (including bike cleanup) 1.5+ hour. Total time to clean self, driveway, and tools up -variable, 1-2 hours.

Oh fuck. we still have to change the filter and refill it...

I Think this picture speaks for itself.

Ease of access: 10/10 it's right there in the open...

Ease of removal 7/10 You'll need allen wrenches, and not be afraid to get oil on yourself... Also, the exhaust may still be hot, be careful with that. Oh, and see the picture.

Drip Meter 17/10 Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck meeeeeeeee. There is actually a special BMW tool that makes this process "cleaner" but even then, it's a fucking mess.

Really, you should just take off the sprocket cover too. You WILL be wiping oil out of there as well... ugh.

Ok, that took about 5 minutes to change the filter cartridge and put it back together plus another hour or so of cleanup...

Now we have to fill the oil, how hard can that be?

Ease of accomplishment: 6/10 wait... how can just refilling the oil not be a 10/10 for ease? Lets start with the easy part you WILL need a funnel... now the rest of it...

Slowly pour about a quart and a half of oil into the frame. Any more and it'll run out on the floor...

Replace the dipstick. Note: Some people who buy the Service Kit get an O-ring left over they don't know what to do with. It's to replace the O-Ring on the Dipstick.!

Start the motor and run it for a minute or so, then shut it off. Make sure you have adequate ventilation. The oil pressure light will stay on for several seconds until the system primes itself.

Check for leaks on the plugs and filter cover.

Add the half quart of oil.

Start the motor and run it for a minute or so, then shut it off.

Check the oil level per the instructions in your owner's manual and add until it's at the proper level.

What this process doesn't fully explain is that 6 and 7 will have to be repeated as many as 5 times in order to fill the system eniterly. Also, if you don't wait long enough between 6 and 7 you'll only see that the level is down a tiny bit and you'll end up adding oil in table-spoon-size dollops for the next 2 hours... AHAHAHAHAHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Next Time on BMW motorcycle service theater we change the oil resivior tank particulate strainer and replace the rear tire...

*shoots self in head*

Makes cleaning and lubing my chain seem like a fun walk in the park.

McMike > JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t 04/28/2014 at 13:45

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I LOL'd at "Maintenance Theater"